"To realize pure mind in your delusion is practice, If you try to expel the delusion it will only persist the more. Just say, 'Oh, this is just delusion,' and do not be bothered by it."
Shunryu Suzuki

the fruit of silence is prayer
the fruit of prayer is faith
the fruit of faith is love
the fruit of love is service
the fruit of service is peace. ~ Mother Teresa

what does it mean to be generous? i mean truly generous?

last year, i spent a great deal of time trying... generosity and kindness.

i worked in a battered women's shelter, worked with the homeless, and tried to be available to friends and family in any way i could. was i generous? sounds like it... but it is not so...

i gave of my material possessions without any pause. it didn't hurt me to give of my money, clothing, food, or trinkets because i know they are of little importance and provide no real satisfaction to me as a person. by giving these things to those who needed or wanted them, i felt a sense of service and peace... yet love never crossed my mind.

i gave of time, energy, and body... spending hours with those in the midst of circumstances that could break even the strongest spirit. i felt gratitude at my fortune and empathy for their misfortune, all the while keeping hope in my heart by way of my hands to better their situations and hopefully their lives. yet prayer never entered the equation...

i've had tons of conversations with family and friends about the nature of things, both wholesome and unwholesome, quoting books i had read, thoughts and feelings i had and beliefs i hold true... all the while never questioning if my 'wisdom' brought peace or fear, stillness or chaos. was i generous?

giving is a wish granting jewel
fulfilling the hopes of living beings
the best weapon with which to cut the knot of miserliness
a bodhisattva action which gives rise to indomitable courage
and spreads one's fame in the ten directions
knowing this, the wise follow the good path of Completely giving body, possessions, and virtue...

so i am going to do this again...
working on perfecting my generosity
reaching out towards the true benefit
and remembering to perform with:

meditation before my action
faith in my movement
love as my motivation
and service being the manifestation
so that the fruitation of my intention is peace...

i couldn't resist!

Artist: Ladytron
Honored on Sasha Involver 2

i often wonder if i'm being to harsh.

if what i think i see in others is merely my way of usurping their power. am i really understanding what is going on inside their hearts and minds or am i simply creating a reason to not engage, or trust?

it all seems futile when you sit back and really think about it.

i know what my needs are. what i would like to offer to those who seem to get my stream of thought, my way of being.
either i trust in this capability in others and allow whatever energy is meant, to flow or i prevent it from flowing by becoming what i think they are...

hmmm....

as a dream, there is a garden. no matter is to big or small, all things reside whether wholesome or unwholesome... because it is the garden. the snails and insects walk under the radar of earth and leaf. few are working to create a place of comfortable abundance for their families. others are simply waiting for the work to be done, so that the simple movement of mine can occur. then their are the butterflies and sparrows who have come to sun themselves, meet and greet, smile and sing, then leave. it doesn't matter what their intention is in coming... they have arrived and they know the benefit of celebration.

let us not forget the crows who don't enter the garden because it is not a dance they find appealing. they sit, high above it all and add melody here and there, never interfering, but always around... just in case an appealing invitation comes their way... where refusal is impossible and the offering so sweet.

the flowers and trees have a responsibility here as well. they sense the necessity of their being to create shade and seed for relaxation and feeding. they sit quietly, offering nothing more and taking nothing in return for their valuable offering. it is because they add this benefit, all who have come to enjoy are greatly improved...

now the question becomes who are you in this scenerio? is your addition to this celebration visible or hidden, quiet or volumious, flowing above or beneath... or maybe their is nothing of this scenerio in you and it is time for something different.

silence and service.

the creation of ideas that i think show the bounty of my brand of love in silent meditation. my confidence and courage may bring my silent reflections into fruitation.

my heart is overflowing with my desire to serve. to help other sentient beings around me with the cultivated dreams i have awakened in silence serves the compassionate service i aspire to bring.

and as always, my friends, family, lover, child, and other myriad creatures who surround me, who i've yet to meet, and who i have since let go of.

freedom

it is difficult in that there are many forms of freedom
defined in many different ways
but one ultimate hope can be honorably displayed

thoughts toward compassion
morality in action
action without fear
ascention without dimension

freedom

i have been fortunate in that my quest to start a non profit has met with many people who are interested in helping me realize this goal. i wrote this in response to the last post and wanted friends to read these words... it is deep within my heart and i hope all those who read it will find answers within and share... with openarms

can you accept that we are raising children who are slowly losing their capacity for love, respect, and basic human morality?
can we expect these same children to produce healthy and happy children when the time arrives?

this is my point exactly.

i grew up as an army brat. my daddy and momma both worked hard to ensure we wanted for nothing. there was never a moment in my life that i felt alone, unloved, or without support.

it is vital that all children feel welcome and loved upon entering this world from the moment they breathe their first breath. especially nowadays as we view so much violence and sexual misgivings.

it is unfortunate that children today have parents who have no other choice but to work long hours. how difficult it must be for these kids to come home from school and have no one there to greet them, listen to their fears, concerns, or joys. it is sad that when these parents finally do make it home, they are worn out, beat down and tired because they work a job for the check. where is the joy? how can a child grow fully if their support system suffers because their professional life offers no spiritual, emotional or financial happiness? how can a child understand the sociological and psychological stagnation that comes from a support system who has to check out mental in order to maintain strength so as to function adequately at a job that is thankless and fruitless? the amount of pressure that is weighed on a child in a given day is high... and the stress is hard to endure on a young mind. now take that scenario and apply it to a man or woman who has no time for self and must be every thing to every one... daily?

what are we doing to help?

we know the reasons people try to make a better way for their kids. everyone wants their child to do better, have more access to opportunity, and to have an easier time of it then they did. it is an admirable idea. the problem is no one is helping them to realize this dream. most impoverished families and communities have very little social and economic structure and access so how is a family meant to figure it out and implement it in a way where success is almost guaranteed? we know resources are available, but how does a community get access?

pressure is not healthy for the family structure, either from the parent(s) or the child. why do we wonder at seeing young girls in prostitution from as young as 12, and, young boys selling drugs or committing robberies as young as 9? what the hell are we doing as a society that this behavior is allowed to progress, endure, and become a staple of certain impoverished communities? truth be told, we can see traces of this type of behavior in suburban areas as well. young boys and girls whose parents can afford the western ‘goodies' that most dream of. yet these goodies don't create happy homes that are without parental contact, support, and availability.

these children need a space to find solace and healing as they grow. we force our kids to experience much before the become adults. becoming is hard enough without a lack of support, opportunity, and love. it is for these mothers and fathers that i dream of an organization to assist them. it is for these children that i demand the creation of a place to take refuge in, find comradery, understanding, and assistance to evolve into the person they want to be by choice... not because of conditions. circumstances are not an excuse for social disregard. situations can be improved upon... changed. it is not enough to say that these families are troubled, we have to look at why this phenomena is occurring and find ways of inciting the joy back into their lives so that they can move on to become healthy, happy, and whole.

its time...
its hard...
i've always felt that there is a lack of urgency in response from our government when addressing these issues. our motivation as a community or society to do what is moral and ethical seems lacking as well. as a society, we are aware but inactive, and because of this, we facilitate our governments' rejection of the poorer population. there are other economic, public policy and political issues that could be addressed as well.

i care about the social and humanity questions this conditioning produces and the social and psychological implications of these conditions for these lives now and what that means for their futures.

1. how do we impress upon these children that they are just as good and deserving as the next if we don't provide adequate nutrition and health care?

2. how do we instill pride when these children see their parents subjugated by hopelessness?

3. how do we generate the tools to instigate and nurture the capabilities hidden in the poorer population?

4. how do we maintain and structure the courage these children will need in order to step up and achieve access to a world that, for some, seems unquestionably out of reach?

it's a big topic and i don't think we can really address it with going deep. asking these questions about the well being of the family and child is a step towards addressing this issue in a social way rather than political or economical. i do not want to dismiss these variables but we don't spend enough time empathizing with the participants of this phenomena, and maybe through humanization, we can begin to chip at all the variables will protecting and nurturing the children who are caught in the middle of a unfavorable experience.

this is my goal. to shed light on the resources, treatment programs, employment trainings and internships, camps, education programs and funding, and whatever else i can get my hands on and make a direct link to these families who are suffering and confused about how to get out from under.
i am hoping that these children i see out at 12am on a tuesday night will make their way to this place i hold in my heart and become the child (and eventually the adult) they can be... not the depressed, physically and emotionally distraught or worse... absent child/ adult i see emerging? i know they are seeking peace of mind, but children know so little... how can we expect them to understand that what they will find in these places will only further their alienation, isolation, and possible corruption? we must led by example. we must get our hands and our hearts in the mix and adjust our thinking to what we know deep down is right...

i am saddened by these forgotten children and want to be a part of the reason they smile... i want to help these mothers and fathers find comfort and peace within their own life, and give them the tools they want to become available to their kids.

its time we take the initiative and correct some of the social ills which have sickened our society for centuries and heal the heads and hearts of so many. changes can occur before we leave this life and return as part of the oak tree or the river with no voice or hand to act. we are only here briefly and change takes time... i'm hoping this organization that I hold in head and heart can create a bridge... and allow those who think in the same way to find ways of continuation and at some point reconciliation ... and so it begins.

"Means and Ends:
The gatekeeper in the capital city of Sung became such an expert mourner after his father's death, and so emaciated himself with fasts and austerities, that he was promoted to high rank in order that he might serve as a model of ritual observance. As a result of this, his imitators so deprived themselves that half of them died. The others were not promoted.

The purpose of a fish trap is to catch fish, and when the fish are caught, the trap is forgotten.

The purpose of a rabbit snare is to catch rabbits. When the rabbits are caught, the snare is forgotten.

The purpose of words is to convey ideas. When the ideas are grasped, the words are forgotten.

Where can I find a man who has forgotten words? He is the one I would like to talk to."

~Chuang Tzu 26.2

It is easy to imitate another who seems to understand what we strive to understand; accomplish what we wish to accomplish, as we struggle along our paths. I know that in the beginning of my search for truth and life, I have sought out individuals to help me understand what is already innate to me, and figure out the rest... a teacher, a confidante, a mother or father, or a friend.

i am guilty.

guilty of seeing the myriad creatures movements, and trying desperately to imitate or emulate the process they so comfortably navigate. i have been lost in the desire to be ‘enlightened' without necessarily experiencing the hardships, suffering, or successes that come with practice. ‘i want to improve my action,' i think, though deep down i know i am simply trying to outmaneuver the universe by speeding through my life experience to get to the good part.

by thinking this way and acting with this intention, I inadvertently miss the good part.

it is not unwholesome to admire another's firmness in action. it is because of their path, we stop and wonder at what we do; how we move. the intention to act provides those who are unacquainted with spirituality and the process of becoming a visual manual on ways of proceeding in this mysterious world. pausing to reflect on the ceaseless patterns of a butterfly or contemplating the miracle of a budding flower are simple instructions on ways to live our lives deeply. often times the message is that simple. other times we face a more complex truth which must be presented in a more direct way. yet, respecting it and letting it go are key components to self actualization and ultimately freedom.

by realizing the gifts of another who has reached a wise truth and giving appreciation to that truth through honor and continuation, we prepare the self for its spiritual ‘stroll' in the forest of Creation. wisdom teaches that this is only part of the lesson; we must continue onward, never ceasing to believe in only what has been gathered, always seeking to find more within.

in this way, we must act with full intention but also integrity. it is not enough to say, I am a Buddhist or I am a Taoist. this is only a partial truth. there is much more which has not been asserted in oneself. a label helps those around you to begin to grasp where your belief lies, a mechanism for expression that can aid you in defining your hearts goal. it is not the end of the road. there is no end in my mind.

just a few minutes for meditation...