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alienation
November 2009 
alienation
Posted on Nov 16th, 2007
by 
openarms
openarms
i do a meditation with psych cards i picked up in berkeley... the ritual is similar to that of tarot reading but i interpret the card based on the tao.
my method is simple...
i pull a card with a word on the front and a definition on the back
i read the definition and try to redescribe the word using the information from my day... my week... my heart...
i hold my tao te ching in both my hands while visualising the word ...
i open my tao...
i receive...
i pulled alienation today.
it all started when i realized 'i want to be with people.'
i don't mean sitting in the same space with someone...
i don't mean knowing anothers name, address, likes or dislikes, either.
i mean really being with another...
seeing them with deep appreciation and respect
understanding that they breath and bleed
knowing and seeing that he or she is me ...
having no need to fill the air with tired words, useless actions ...
just listening to the music of the world... watching the myriad movements of the world... together.
that realization came at 22.
now, 'how many times have i felt a deep desire to connect beyond the superficial ???'
the number is almost nonexistent.
and
how often have i been the block???
large number :(
so why ???
i fear people.
based on layers of strata that is self inflicted or externally enforced, i do.
sometimes in the course of my fear, i act mean.
i speak harshly.
i ignore effort.
i misuse the wisdom i have cultivated.
i remain isolated; not present or open.
seeking to connect, i inadvertently offered (to the others and to myself) another chance to reject.
i became what i never wanted to be... an alienist.
its hard to see the tender truth in yourself, sometimes.
its hard to stop yourself in the moment and realize that 'this is fleeting.'
its hard to remember that yesterday might have brought pain that is still present; that fear has already blackened tomorrow; that we all may be a moving shell right now.
we all may need.
everyone needs a bit of warmth to easy the sorrow which covets their heart or soul.
dehumanized representations of others which mirrored myself; it never dawned on me.
all of this; the fear and distrust, a sympton or consequence of alienation.
the next step??
hard to say.
the tao's wisdom is simple...
'to use words but rarely
is to be natural
a gusty wind cannot last all morning and a violent downpour cannot last all day.
who is it that produces these?
heaven and earth.
if even heaven and earth cannot make them go on for long, much less can man.
hence in his pursuit, a man of the way conforms to the way;
a man of virtue conforms to virtue;
a man of loss conforms to loss.
to him who conforms to virtue, the way gives virtue;
to him who conforms to loss, the way gives loss.' ~LaoTzu, ch. 68 (ma wang tui manuscripts)
ive been missing out on wisdom exchanges and/or lessons because i falter in my movements to be simple, present, and compassionate.
growth fails when alienation succeeds
my method is simple...
i pull a card with a word on the front and a definition on the back
i read the definition and try to redescribe the word using the information from my day... my week... my heart...
i hold my tao te ching in both my hands while visualising the word ...
i open my tao...
i receive...
i pulled alienation today.
it all started when i realized 'i want to be with people.'
i don't mean sitting in the same space with someone...
i don't mean knowing anothers name, address, likes or dislikes, either.
i mean really being with another...
seeing them with deep appreciation and respect
understanding that they breath and bleed
knowing and seeing that he or she is me ...
having no need to fill the air with tired words, useless actions ...
just listening to the music of the world... watching the myriad movements of the world... together.
that realization came at 22.
now, 'how many times have i felt a deep desire to connect beyond the superficial ???'
the number is almost nonexistent.
and
how often have i been the block???
large number :(
so why ???
i fear people.
based on layers of strata that is self inflicted or externally enforced, i do.
sometimes in the course of my fear, i act mean.
i speak harshly.
i ignore effort.
i misuse the wisdom i have cultivated.
i remain isolated; not present or open.
seeking to connect, i inadvertently offered (to the others and to myself) another chance to reject.
i became what i never wanted to be... an alienist.
its hard to see the tender truth in yourself, sometimes.
its hard to stop yourself in the moment and realize that 'this is fleeting.'
its hard to remember that yesterday might have brought pain that is still present; that fear has already blackened tomorrow; that we all may be a moving shell right now.
we all may need.
everyone needs a bit of warmth to easy the sorrow which covets their heart or soul.
dehumanized representations of others which mirrored myself; it never dawned on me.
all of this; the fear and distrust, a sympton or consequence of alienation.
the next step??
hard to say.
the tao's wisdom is simple...
'to use words but rarely
is to be natural
a gusty wind cannot last all morning and a violent downpour cannot last all day.
who is it that produces these?
heaven and earth.
if even heaven and earth cannot make them go on for long, much less can man.
hence in his pursuit, a man of the way conforms to the way;
a man of virtue conforms to virtue;
a man of loss conforms to loss.
to him who conforms to virtue, the way gives virtue;
to him who conforms to loss, the way gives loss.' ~LaoTzu, ch. 68 (ma wang tui manuscripts)
ive been missing out on wisdom exchanges and/or lessons because i falter in my movements to be simple, present, and compassionate.
growth fails when alienation succeeds
Access: PublicTagged with: tao, alienation, engagement, tarot, together, life, connection, silence, stillness, truth, fleeting, present, soul, heart
wow openarms, this is wonderful stuff!!
You are digging deep for someone of tender years ( I promise that is not a patronising comment - but heartfelt)…
I see you struggling, but growing. I hear you wondering, but developing insight.
I feel your pain, but these are growing pains and the chrysalis does become a free-spirit in time…
You are on a journey and you must not be too hard on yourself. You have begun to understand the ephemeral nature of existence and the unswerving truth of flux and movement…
you have discovered the wonders of Tao and are on a fruitful path…
there will be barriers, there will be pain, but most of all there will be growth and compassion that develops therein..
Very well done - I look forward to followoing your journey - maybe we can travel someways together…
with bows,
@ntony
afterthought - we are one, therefore, where is the separation, where is the alienation?
Dear Charetta
With each realisation of our failings comes more awareness to get it right the next time. And we have all eternity to play these games we all play, naturally we learn what feels good.
Learning to be more with myself. i.e. meditation has been an essential part of my learning to be with others, and is an ongoing journey that I must keep up both sides of the conversation inner and outer.
Much Love
Shanti
@nt and shanti,
your words are both inspiring and appreciated. i have reflected more on feelings of alienation and one thing that touches me is how we all forget the simplicity of devotion. if we are devoted; to another, to ourselves, to our growth, we can create more connection within our communities without causing separation and isolation. warmth and forgiveness are simple ways, extenteding oneself is another. i have since grown comfortable in being the first to offer my hand and heart; to myself, to my family and friends, and to strangers. it begins a pattern of action that i believe is the north star of happiness.
in light
and love
charetta